Anticipation and anxiety

Kickoff's tomorrow. I think I mentioned that... um... yesterday. :D I've logged onto the team website and already started making connections with friends I knew from last summer's team. It's really wonderful to be welcomed back with wide open arms, but it's also made me wonder: how can I possibly live up to the example I set for myself last year?

This year, I'm going to be much busier (3 college classes plus working as many hours as I can), and I'm not starting off at 100% health. I'm not even sure I *can* run, or if I should. I'll be seeing my MD for a followup on my knee a week from today, and I'm hoping that she'll give me the green light, but what if she doesn't?

And then again, maybe this is just old fear and anxiety rearing its ugly head. I know that the majority of the people who choose to be involved in something like TNT do so because they have really wonderful, loving hearts. Those big-hearted people aren't going to judge me for my circumstances being different this year, right?

I made a promise to myself when Brenda passed away that I would train again this year in her honor and memory. I don't want to go back on that promise. I also know that I'm a lot more consistent in my exercise when I have a goal and team mates. Last summer worked really well for me, and I want to have that become a part of my life again. My life will always be busy; I'm just not the kind of person to have a few activities and lots of extra time to spare.

So if changed circumstances aren't going to keep me from doing this, what will?

Fear. Plain and simple. Fear that I won't do it "perfectly," whatever that means. Fear that I won't be able to do it at all, and will end up being the "waterstop goddess" for yet another season.

It's been said that "You can run, but you just can't hide" from your fears. Well, fears... watch me run!