The starting line!

This morning was the first coached run of the season. We met at the Alameda Ferry building, and started out with a shoe clinic before getting into the actual training. The information was useful, but for the most part it was stuff I already heard last year, so for me it was a basic refresher.

Once that was done, we listened to the honorees talk for a little while about how TNT and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society have supported them with the funds we raise and also the emotional support the team members give honorees. We closed the morning info session with our usual team cheers, and then we split into the walk team and the run team to prep for the morning's workout.

Yesterday, I went to see my doctor to make sure that it was OK for me to start training again. My knee/IT band still isn't 100%, which continues to frustrate me. My doctor said right now, she was willing to allow me to train on the walk team but not on the run team. She also is going to try to get me authorization for more PT, which would be a very good thing.

So when we split into teams this morning, I went ahead and joined the walk team's warmup instead of the run team's. I was pretty bummed not to be running at least a little, but I reminded myself the reason I'm doing the walk training is to get to the finish line injury-free. There really is a lot of sense in me starting out on the walk team (and maybe even walking the half-marathon) to help strengthen my legs and knee back up. IT band injuries are rare for walkers, so chances are good I won't aggravate that more by doing the walk training, which is a huge plus.

We got started, and I realized as we were about 5 minutes into the 30-minute timed walk that I had forgotten to take off my sweat pants. Oops! I had my running shorts on underneath, and would have been MUCH cooler wearing those alone. Oh well!

I also remembered that the first 20 minutes is the hardest, and walking is no different from running in that respect. My legs felt stiff when we first started out, and that didn't start to change until I was about 20 minutes into it. Of course, the fact that I'm pretty out of shape and out of condition didn't help any either. My heart rate stayed at a relatively comfortable 145-148 bpm so it was clear I was working, but not overworking.

As I walked the course, I remembered back to last year. It was the week I had run my first mile, and I went from running one mile in track practice to running five miles in the following coached run at the Alameda Ferry. That was a triumphal week for sure, and it was bittersweet to be back on that course but walking it a year later. I reminded myself that I can always come back for future seasons and run that course again, and in better shape than I am now. That was a big encouragement.

One of the other huge differences between last year and this year was that after the first coached run last year, I was absolutely obliterated for the rest of the weekend. I was exhausted, slept almost the entire weekend, and I got sick. I was really afraid that would happen again this year, but it didn't. I came back from the workout and took a little nap (partially because I got up so early this morning), but now I feel fine. That's a really good sign that I worked myself hard, but not inappropriately hard.

All in all, I feel like I'm off to a good strong start that will lead to success in this half marathon as well as future ones. :)

Anticipation and anxiety

Kickoff's tomorrow. I think I mentioned that... um... yesterday. :D I've logged onto the team website and already started making connections with friends I knew from last summer's team. It's really wonderful to be welcomed back with wide open arms, but it's also made me wonder: how can I possibly live up to the example I set for myself last year?

This year, I'm going to be much busier (3 college classes plus working as many hours as I can), and I'm not starting off at 100% health. I'm not even sure I *can* run, or if I should. I'll be seeing my MD for a followup on my knee a week from today, and I'm hoping that she'll give me the green light, but what if she doesn't?

And then again, maybe this is just old fear and anxiety rearing its ugly head. I know that the majority of the people who choose to be involved in something like TNT do so because they have really wonderful, loving hearts. Those big-hearted people aren't going to judge me for my circumstances being different this year, right?

I made a promise to myself when Brenda passed away that I would train again this year in her honor and memory. I don't want to go back on that promise. I also know that I'm a lot more consistent in my exercise when I have a goal and team mates. Last summer worked really well for me, and I want to have that become a part of my life again. My life will always be busy; I'm just not the kind of person to have a few activities and lots of extra time to spare.

So if changed circumstances aren't going to keep me from doing this, what will?

Fear. Plain and simple. Fear that I won't do it "perfectly," whatever that means. Fear that I won't be able to do it at all, and will end up being the "waterstop goddess" for yet another season.

It's been said that "You can run, but you just can't hide" from your fears. Well, fears... watch me run!